Affair-y Tale
I read a comment or two this week on a question about why a man would sacrifice his career for an affair. It was in response to yet another politician, who’s public persona was one of integrity and conservative values. I was unnerved by the lack of insight into such disasters. First of all “no temptation has taken you except what is common to man”. And yet people are horrified that someone who has built the house of cards that all of our public persona tends to be, could possibly still suffer from a choice of insanity.
There’s a story of a frog placed in a pot of boiling water. He jumps out immediately but when left in a comfortable pot of water turning the heat up just a little the frog stays put until he is cooked! Affairs don’t happen in an instant. A man is vulnerable most when he is tired, hungry, hurt or lonely. That is pretty much an ongoing reality. It doesn’t matter how much time you’ve logged in as a saint. Temptations to feed your own endorphins run very deep.
Throw in lust as an addiction and the prevalence of pornography at just a mouse click away, and the media blitz that sex with several partners is just a matter of personal choice and you have the makings of a fire under any comfortable pot.
God placed a strong sex drive within humanity maybe to insure the survival of the species. It also is a power not easily controlled even when there is no fear of extinction. One cannot be in denial that our sex drive can become stronger than our commitments of love. And a conservative man with a huge career and public image is not exempt.
An affair starts with a slow and simple “transfer of affection”. “This woman is around all the time”. Maybe my significant other is not. “We’re just having coffee”… “we had to work late”…most people think yer being too prudish to question moments alone with the opposite sex. Or maybe even ‘harmless’ conversations on the internet. I ride a motorcycle and I know at certain speeds if I’m following too close I will not be able to stop as fast as the car in front of me. Same thing.
The trouble with men is, we always think we can handle things. And so we leave the door open just a crack. Why? because, like women, we enjoy being flattered! There’s a validation we’re all looking for that creates an endorphin rush. At several points in a deeper relationship there will be times where you are “not getting your needs met”. You can count on that too. Cause no one person can keep up with your schedule of personal needs. The danger is, there is always plenty of feel good attention coming from elsewhere! It’s never in the same place either so the desire to “jump ship” could still come in the middle of reading scripture.
We are all vulnerable to the fatigue of always doing the right thing. We all have a desire to ‘escape’ our responsibilities no matter how conservative you might be. It’s why Las Vegas is the fastest growing city in America! The collateral damage is never realized till it happens usually. If the consequences were immediate we would probably be less tempted.
Generally no man wants to follow someone else’s rules. It might be built in to a mans character to quickly become a defect. Riding herd on our own mind is a full time occupation!
I read once something I cannot recall who wrote but it stuck with me over the years. “The man who marries his mistress …leaves the postition open”. The big mistake for men is too believe that a “transfer of affection” is not deadly. “Consummation” is not necessary to destroy trust in a relationship. Suspicion needs no proof either. The damage is done. I invite you to visit Radio Rehab on line at www.radiorehab.com for encouragement to stay on the Road To Redemption.
